Kellie Pickler ‘Dancing With The Stars’ And Her Next Ten Reality Shows Appearances

Earlier this week, Kellie Pickler won the 16th season of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars.  Pickler now has the world’s most prestigious distinction of being a finalist on American Idol and winning Dancing with the Stars.  In true Pickler fashion, she didn’t hear Tom Bergeron’s initial announcement of her victory.  She stood there confused for a few moments before realizing her triumph.  She then celebrated her victory with partner Derek Hough.

Pickler qualified for being a “star” thanks to three top ten albums and finishing sixth on the fifth season of American Idol.  Her foray into reality television doesn’t end there.  She was also on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? (“Hungary?  That’s a country?”) and ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.  I think the petite songstress is tailor-made for reality television.  Below, are ten reality shows I hope will soon employ the talents and charisma of one Kellie Dawn Pickler.

America’s Next Top Model
This summer The CW is airing the 20th season of American’s Next Top Model.  The 2013 incarnation is subtitled “Guys & Girls.”  Here’s my suggestion for season 21: “American’s Next Top Model: Women Under Five & Half Feet.”  Remember, before trying out for American Idol, Pickler competed in beauty pageants including Miss North Carolina.

American Pickers
Mike and Frank show up at a very nice home.  They ring the bell and after a moment’s wait Kelly Pickler opens the door.  Mike and Frank slap their forehead and tell the country music singer “It’s American Pickers not American Picklers!” Do you know that in other countries the show is just called Pickers?

Big Brother
There’s a caveat with this reality show.  Pickler has to bring along her pals Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, and Katharine McPhee (Kellie was a bridesmaid at her wedding).  If she can swing that, then we have something.  The reason she needs to bring along her three famous friends is Big Brother is a train wreck, even for a reality show.  Do you know it’s the last major American television program to be broadcasted in standard definition? 

Celebrity Wife Swap
Kellie Pickler and her husband, songwriter Kyle Jacobs, could swap with pal Carrie Underwood and her barely-famous husband, NHL forward, Mike Fisher.  Kellie married Kyle on Jan. 1, 2011.  For those who don’t know, Jacobs co-wrote Garth Brooks’ “More Than a Memory.”  He’s also penned tunes for Tim McGraw, Trace Adkins, and Clay Walker.

HGTV Star
Formerly known as “HGTV Design Star,” this reality show, that’s all about interior design and throw pillows, is set to return to basic cable on June 9.  I’d love to see Kellie Pickler on this program because judging from some of her outfits, and her effervescent personality, she probably has a very “unique” aesthetic.  I would have suggested Project Runway, but it’s a lot easier to reupholster a chair and shop at West Elm then it is to make an A-line skirt and finish a running stitch.

Splash
Splash is a reality diving competition that airs on ABC.  If Pickler appeared on the show, she can use the grace she displayed on American Idol, the balance she used on Dancing—ah, who am I kidding?  We just want to see her prance around in swimwear.  By the way, the first season of Splash went to extreme skier Rory Bushfield.

Survivor
Pickler competed on American Idol.  She won Dancing with the Stars.  Why not make it the trifecta by appearing on the greatest reality show of all-time, Survivor.  Don’t count out the 5’ 1” thrush.  She could win the darn thing.  Her father is a convict and her mother is an abusive addict.  If Kellie can survive her awful childhood she can easily survive 39 days in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of strangers.

Top Chef
Can Kellie Pickler cook?  I have no idea.  She is, however, a vegetarian.  In fact, a few years ago PETA named her the “World’s Sexiest Vegetarian.”  I’m not a vegetarian.  I think humans were born to eat Big Macs, but as my household’s primary cook I’d like to know how to prepare a meal or two without hamburger.  Yes, there are more qualified cooks than Pickler, but I don’t care.  How often does a bona fide country music star get to teach you how to prepare tofu?

Total Blackout
I know Pickler is brave.  She is one courageous Tar Heel.  So what better way for her to show off her pluckiness then by appearing on Syfy’s amazing reality show, Total Blackout?  Tots Black is similar to Fear Factor except all the challenges are done in complete darkness.  You only need two words to describe this show: awe and some.  Best of all, if Pickler appears on this program she would have the honor of working with the incomparable Jaleel White.

Wipeout
This reality game show doesn’t play to Pickler’s talents nor does it compliment her personality.  I put Wipeout on the list because I like seeing people battered around by show’s hilarious obstacle courses.  How would Pickler handle the Pork Choppers, Skippity Flippity Doo, or the dreaded Big Balls?  Interesting note about Wipeout, in 2012 it usurped American Idol as the Favorite Reality Show at the Kids’ Choice Awards.  It won the award again in 2013.

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Josh Groban Eats On $1.50 A Day: How To Be A ‘Josh Groban Fan’ On $1.50 A Day?

Josh Groban is trying to change the way Americans think about poverty.  He’s doing so by eating off of $1.50 a day.  The 150 cents, according to Global Poverty Project, the organization by behind the challenge, is the daily food allowance for 1.4 billion people.  Groban, who participated in last year’s event, will have a food and drink budget of a buck-fifty a day for five days, but he’ll still have all the other perks of being filthy rich.  So, during his 120-hour fast, Groban was seen lounging by his swimming pool and searching “how to alleviate hunger pains” on his iPad.

While the aforementioned numbers are completely fabricated, and the whole idea makes you want to roll your eyes in fustian disgust, we should give kudos to Groban.  For the second time in his life he put his money where his mouth is, or to put it more accurately, he didn’t put his money in his mouth.  The Global Poverty Project made “eating on $1.50 a day” a fundraising event.  According to their Web site, the guilty starvation raised more than $440,000.

The singer’s generosity and charitable spirit got me thinking.  Is it possible to live musically on $1.50 a day?  More precisely, can you be a Josh Groban fan for $1.50 a day.  Well, of course it’s possible.  You don’t need to be a Josh Gorban fan at all to live.  Nonetheless, I decided to see what $1.50 a day could buy you in terms of Josh Groban music and/or related memorabilia. 

Groban’s poverty experiment didn’t eliminate the other amenities of living in America and neither will our experiment.  You’ll still have everything you need to listen to Groban’s music from iPods to CD players.  You’ll also have transportation to Josh Groban concerts and access to the internet.  So is it possible to be a Josh Groban fan for $1.50 a day?

“You Raised Me Up”
For just $1.29 you can download Josh Groban’s classic “You Raised Me Up.”  Grobs originally released this track back in 2003.  Now in 2013, it’s a staple of his live show.  You’ll hear “You Raised Me Up” when Josh Groban performs in Seattle, Washington on Oct. 4; when Josh Groban tickets are collected in Las Vegas, Nevada on Oct. 16; and when Josh Groban performs in Toronto, Ontario on Oct. 25.  Even better, you can buy most Josh Groban songs for $1.29, everything from “Brave” to “You Are Loved” to “The Prayer.”

Streaming Music Services
If you save your $1.50 for a week you’ll have enough money to pay the monthly rate for a top-of-the-line music streaming service like a Napster or a Spotify premium subscription.  Save for just three days and you can subscribe to Pandora One.  With a streaming music service you can listen to Josh Groban, and Josh Groban-like artists, all you want.  To look at it another way, you can subscribe to one of the aforementioned sites for about $.30 to $.35 a day—Pandora One is half that.  That’s a pretty inexpensive way to have Josh Groban streamed into your life.

Josh Groban Fan Club
There are three tiers to the Josh Groan fan club.  The top tier is $29.99 a year, the next tier is $19.99 a year, and then there’s a free account which is nothing more than a way for Groban to get his mitts on your information.  I recommend the top tier since it comes with a free copy of Groban’s latest compact disc.  Both tiers fall within our budget, the top is just a dollar a day for a month (unless it’s February).  The second tier is just $.66 cents a day for a month.

Josh Groban Concert Tickets
Is there a way to get Josh Groban tickets for $1.50 a day?  Not unless you want to save for about three months.  Can you get tickets to see Josh Groban for a mere $1.50?  Probably not but you can try.  You can take to the internet and beg.  Someone might show compassion and sell you one of their tickets for $1.50.  Or you can find someone who can’t go to the show and desperately needs to unload their ticket.  If $1.50 is the only offer they receive they might sell.  Hey, a $1.50 is better than nothing and it’s either that or let their ticket go to waste.

Plastic Ticket Holder
Regardless of how much you paid for your Josh Groban ticket, you’re going to want to protect it.  One way to do that is to slip it into a plastic ticket lanyard.  On Amazon, I found a small 3 ½” x 5 3/4” semi-rigid plastic ticket holder that sells for $1.50.  You can place your Josh Groban Chicago tickets, Josh Groban Boston tickets, or Josh Groban Newark Tickets inside the pocket.  You can tie a string to the plastic ticket holder so you can wear it around your neck.  That cheap piece of plastic not only protects your concert ticket but it makes it easier to show the arena staff your stub.

Josh Groban on The Office
Fans know that besides being one of the world’s best crooners, Groban is also a pretty decent actor.  The Californian has appeared in two episodes of The Office.  You can download each of his two Office appearances, Garden Party from season 8 and The Boat from season 9, via iTunes.  Each episode will cost you two days’ worth of money but to see Groban as ‘Walter Bernard’ is definitely worth it.

All That Echoes
All The Echoes is Josh Groban’s sixth studio album.  It dropped by Feb. 5, 2013.  It was produced by Rob Cavallo and features songs penned by Stevie Wonder, Glen Hansard, and the singer himself.  As you’d expect from a JG album, it debuted at number one on the Billboard 200.  I found a sealed CD of All That Echoes on eBay with a starting bid of just one penny.  Who knows what the price will be when the bidding ends (and I’m ignoring shipping and handling charges) but it’s theoretically possible to buy a Groban album for less than $1.50.

Guitar Pick
Perhaps you enjoy performing Groban’s music.  Well, your $1.50 can get you a Wedgie Rubber Guitar pick. You can order it online but you’ll have to pick it up at the store as postage and handling will put you over the top.  If you’re lucky, you might be able to find a chord sheet to a hit Groban song for less than $1.50. If the internet proves fruitless, look at used book stores, thrift stores, and garage sales.

Donate
Josh Groban has done extensive charity work throughout his career.  You can honor the singer by donating your stipend to one of the worthy causes he has aided in the past.  Besides the Global Poverty Project, Groban has also raised money for the Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto, Gabrielle’s Angel Foundation, and the Noah's Ark children's orphanage in Africa.  If you’re so inclined, you can always donate to Groban’s own charity, the Josh Groban Foundation.

Crazy Stupid Love
Josh Groban played the role of “Richard” in the 2011 film “Crazy, Stupid, Love.”  You should be able to find a DVD or Blu Ray copy of the flick on eBay for $0.99.  Again, who knows how high the bidding will go, but it’s certainly not out of the realm of possibilities to buy Groban’s big movie for $1.50.  Besides acting alongside Steve Carell and Ryan Gosling, Groban has also appeared in Ally McBeal, Glee, and guest co-hosted Live with Regis and Kelly several times.  Groban’s Hollywood resume also includes singing on three movie soundtracks: A.I. – Artificial Intelligence, Troy, and The Polar Express.

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Backstreet Boys’ ‘Permanent Stain’ Makes List Of Worst Song Titles

I was recently reminded of a Benny Hill joke where the owner of a country cottage is taken to task over the naming of his estate. The joke is told by an acquaintance of the cottage owner and it goes something like this: “I’ve heard of Passing Clouds.  I’ve heard of Passing Rain, but Passing Wind?”  I apologize for being crass but the joke perfectly illustrates what makes a good or decent title and what makes a really bad one.

This joke came to mind while reading about the Backstreet Boys.  This summer, the seminal boy band is releasing an album and launching a tour.  The Backstreet Boys kick off their 25-city trek in Chicago on Aug. 2.  It ends Sept. 8 when the Backstreet Boys collect tickets in Concord, California.  Both endeavors commemorate the band’s 20th anniversary.

As for the band’s new studio album, it’s drops July 30 and is called In a World like This.  That title is fine.  On May 15, the Backstreet Boys appeared on Good Morning America to perform a new song, one from the aforementioned album.  The song they debuted is called “Permanent Stain.”  Needless to say, it reminded me of that Benny Hill joke.

“Permanent Stain” is one of the worst song titles I’ve ever come across (more on that later).  However, it got me thinking about other poorly titled tracks.  Before I knew it, my ruminations had produced enough bad song titles for a list.  To prevent myself from working on this project in perpetuity (as we all know there are hundreds of songs with awful titles) I stopped myself when I got to ten. 

A few caveats: I picked popular or somewhat popular songs (ones that people have actually heard before) and I made sure the list is completely PG.  Also, you’ve got to remember that this isn’t a list of bad songs but songs with bad titles.  Some of the tracks listed below are quite good.

“Big Log”

This song from Robert Plant’s 1983 album The Principle of Moments is very good, but the title is very bad.  “Log” is one of those words that skews towards being a bad word even though it’s “G” rated.  It doesn’t conjure up images of fallen timber but something far less palatable.  Then you put the word “big” in front of it and you have the more boorish among us giggling like school children.

“Da Doo Ron Ron”

“Big Log” put our minds in the water closet so let’s stay there with “Da Doo Ron Ron.”  This song, which sounds like a euphuism for what happens after one consumes bad Mexican food, was originally recorded by The Crystals in 1963.  It was co-written by Phil Spector.  In 1977, heartthrob Shaun Cassidy, who had tweens screaming long before there were any Backstreet Boys concerts, covered this unpardonably labeled track.  While the original peaked at number three, his version went all the way to number one.  Bootleg covers exist of this song by some fairly prominent rock bands including the Rolling Stones.

“Hurdy Gurdy Man”

It’s not fun to say.  It’s not fun to hear.  And to be honest it’s not all that fun to write.  In my opinion, “Hurdy Gurdy” is the verbal equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.  Donovan originally wrote “Hurdy Gurdy Man” for a band called Hurdy Gurdy but he ended recording the song for himself.  It dropped in 1968 and was a hit in both the U.S. and the UK.  By the way, a hurdy gurdy is an obnoxious sounding stringed instrument.

“Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini”

There are eight words in Brain Hyland’s 1960 hit song “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.”  Five of them I refuse to say aloud.  You ask me what this number one hit record is called and I’ll just say “Yellow Polka Dot.”  Even reading the full title makes me cringe.  Interestingly, this song has been covered numerous times over the years but not by English-speaking artists.

“Nutbush City Limits”

“Nutbush” sounds dirty.  When you hear it you picture a man named “Skeeter” decked out in overalls and sucking on a blade of hay.  You may ask why in H-E-double hockey sticks did songwriter Tina Turner call her song “Nutbush City Limits?”  Well, it’s the actual name of her hometown.  Turner hails from Nutbush, Tennessee.  This was the last single produced by Ike and Tina Turner.  The track has been covered many times since its release in 1973, most notably by Bob Seger.

“Permanent Stain”

What were they thinking? This has to be one of the worst song titles of all time.  It sounds like something out of a Farrelly brother’s film.  Are the Backstreet Boys selling carpet cleaner?  Were they inspired by something interesting on their mattress while changing the linens?  I have no doubt this song will sound great when the Backstreet Boys perform live in Phoenix or when the Backstreet Boys rock Las Vegas, but you have to question the decision to name a song “Permanent Stain.”  It sounds more like an indie punk band than a pop song.  By the way, if you have Backstreet Boys tickets you can download “Permanent Stain” for free on May 20.

“Radio Ga Ga”

Leave it to Queen to name a song, a great song, “Radio Ga Ga.”  Did Roger Taylor (the songwriter) get his title from a baby?  You could be Stephen Hawking and you’ll still sound like an idiot saying “Hey, you want to listen to Radio Ga Ga?”  Despite having a miserable moniker, Queen absolutely rocked “Radio Ga Ga” in concert.  Going back and watching their performance of “Radio Ga Ga” at Live Aid will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“Rolling in the Deep”

“Rolling” has been used successfully in hundreds of songs including Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone.”  The same can be said of “deep” for example “How Deep Is Your Love.”  Combining the two is an eyebrow-furrowing, chortle-inducing farce.  Adele, you’re “Rolling in the Deep?”  In the deep what?  Come to think of it, I don’t know if I want to know what you’re rolling in.  Released in 2010, this poorly titled Adele song went to number one in the U.S. and helped established the songstress as a household name.

“Spoonman”

I get it.  The song is about a man who plays the spoons.  Therefore “Spoonman” is a highly appropriate designation.  However, it’s about as dumb as the city of Seattle is drab and dreary.  If I write a song about a boy who can throw forks into a dartboard I’m not going to call it “Fork Boy.”  “Hey, you want to listen to my new song?  I call it ‘Ladle Lady.’”  “Spoonman” was one of Soundgarden’s biggest hits.  It was released in 1994 and is found on their album Superunknown.

“Tush”

Of all the words one can use for a person’s posterior this has to be in the bottom three.  It’s yet another word I won’t say out loud.  If you didn’t know this was a ZZ Top song you might assume it was a children’s carol designed to teach the young lads about anatomy.  The only saving grace of this rousing rocker is Dusty Hill doesn’t pronounce the word “tush” very well.  According to him, “tush” has two meanings.  The first is a person’s backside and the second is something luxurious or lavish.  So, in effect, the song is a double entendre.

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Daft Punk: ‘Random Access Memories’ An Album To Remember

Daft Punk’s Random Access Memories, their fourth studio album, will be available for streaming beginning May 21, 2013.  The opus is the band’s first with Columbia and they’ve been working on it since 2008.  The highly anticipated album was recorded with mostly live studio musicians and includes collaborations with several artists including Pharrell Williams, Panda Bear, DJ Falcon, Paul Williams, and the great Nile Rodgers.

The name “Random Access Memory” is meant to draw a “parallel between the brain and the hard drive.”  The band felt technology creates a capacity to store an almost endless amount of music but many modern day artists are not producing quality material.  With that being said, Daft Punk wanted to record as many quality elements as possible. 

Did they succeed?  Will Random Access Memory appease fans of the band’s previous album, the house music-styled Human After All or will it turn them off?  Can Random Access Memory win new adherents, those generally not moved by EDM, or will their use of real musicians and actual instruments fall on death ears?  Lots of questions, but in the end I think music fans of all kinds will love Random Access Memories.

Daft Punk Get Lucky
“Get Lucky” is the lead single from Random Access Memory.  It was released as a digital download on April 19, 2013.  The tune was written by Daft Punk, Pharrell Williams, and Nile Rodgers.  “Get Lucky” took a year and a half to make and it made its debut via a 15-second advertisement that aired during Saturday Night Live.  The song was well received by both critics and fans.  An infectious and toe-tapping track, “Get Lucky” broke Spotify’s record for highest number of plays by a single song in a single day.

Daft Punk New Album
In Random Access Memories, Daft Punk pays homage to music of the past, especially rock, disco, and pop of the 1970s and 1980s.  The band drew inspiration from a myriad of 1970s juggernauts including Eagles, Fleetwood Mac, Steely Dan, Doobie Brothers, and Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon.

Most of the rhythm tracks were recorded at famous studios in Los Angeles and New York City.  The band recorded most of the vocals in Paris.  Random Access Memories uses instrumentation and techniques that you don’t normally find on an EDM album: guitar solos, live drums, choirs, woodwind sections, horn sections, and the use of a string orchestra.  Daft Punk recorded an orchestra track for almost every song on the album but eliminated all but two during the mixing process.

If all this sounds expensive that’s only because it was.  To avoid pressure from a record label to use everything that was paid for, Daft Punk picked up the bills for all the studio time and the musicians.  This not only gave them flexibility and independence, but it also revealed just how dedicated they were to the project.

The album didn’t eschew modern day technology altogether but the band tried very hard to use old school equipment whenever possible—tracks were actually recorded on tape.  Daft Punk played a custom-built modular synthesizer and employed vintage vocoders throughout the album.  A drum machine appears in just two tracks.  All in all, Random Access Memories is the least “electronic” EDM album every released.

Daft Punk Tour
Nothing has been announced but surely Random Access Memories will lead to a Daft Punk Tour.   Conventional wisdom says the band performs all over Europe this summer and then in America in the fall.  I’d imagine Daft Punk tickets sell better in college towns when school is in session than during any other time of the year. 

Despite being an EDM band, Daft Punk concerts are known for their production values, visual concepts, and story components.  And of course whenever Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo are out in public they’re wearing their famous robot costumes.

Daft Punk Random Access Memories
I’ll be honest.  I’m not a huge fan of EDM.  I think it’s basically a guy (or a gal) depressing a mouse button.  EDM music all sounds the same and it uses one beat.  With that being said, I thoroughly enjoyed Random Access Memories and I think it will be crowned Album of the Year.

I’m drawn to the work because it’s actual music.  However, it’s still an EDM album.  It still has EDM sensibilities, EDM phrases, and EDM riffs.  Think of this way: if The Rolling Stones made Exile on Main St. with synthesizers and drum machines it would have certainly sounded different but it would still have the feel and atmosphere of a rock album.  Daft Punk made Random Access Memories with real musicians and real instruments.  While it sounds great, it does not sound like rock album.  It has the vibe of an EDM project.

Daft Punk 2013
Daft Punk should have a big 2013.  Random Access Memories is a game changer and one of the best albums of the century.  It’s a work that should appeal to both EDM and non-EDM fans.  Furthermore, it’s almost a guarantee that a Daft Punk tour is not too far away.  And who knows how many awards they’ll win and how many publications will name Random Access Memories the “best album of the year.”  Clearly, 2013 is the year of Daft Punk.

Timeline of Events Surrounding Random Access Memories
2008 – While working on music for Tron: Legacy, Daft Punk begins to tinker with ideas for a new album.  They originally recorded material on synthesizers but eventually decided that they wanted to work with real musicians.
September of 2010 – Paul Williams tells reporter that he collaborated with Daft Punk.
March of 2012 – Daft Punk jams with Nile Rodgers at his home.
May of 2012 – Giorgio Moroder announces that he has worked with Daft Punk.
Feb. 28, 2013 – An image of Daft Punk’s helmets next to the Columbia Records logo appears on the band’s official website and Facebook page signaling that they have signed with the company.
March 2, 2013 – Daft Punk’s logo and their helmets appear in a 15-second spot that airs during Saturday Night Live.
March 23, 2013 – Not only was the title of the album revealed, but it was the first day you could pre-order Random Access Memories on iTunes.
April 3, 2013 – Random Access Memories’ official Web site, The Collaborators, is launched.
April 12, 2013 – A video preview of “Get Lucky” is screened at Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival.
April 16, 2013 – The track listing for Random Access Memories is released via Columbia’s Vine account.
April 19, 2013 – Daft Punk releases “Get Lucky” after the song was leaked a few days earlier.
April 28, 2013 – “Get Lucky” becomes Daft Punk’s first number one single in the UK.
May 13, 2013 – Daft Punk reveals their new album’s artwork on their official Vevo-channel.
May 17, 2013 – Daft Punk launches Random Access Memories at the 79th Annual Wee Waa Show in Australia.  Even though the band won’t be there, Daft Punk tickets sell out in 13 minutes.
May 20, 2013 – Daft Punk releases Random Access Memories in the UK.
May 21, 2013 – Daft Punk releases Random Access Memories in the United States.
May 22, 2013 – Daft Punk releases Random Access Memories in Japan and India.  The Japanese release contains a bonus track.

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